"It makes your butt look too fat!" So said the best friend of a lovely voluptuous bride-to-be on the TV show, "Say Yes to the Dress". The woman in the bridal gown, who had once been a pageant queen, turned pale, just a shade lighter than death. She had been very excited about this particular gown, even commenting to the bridal consultant how well it shaped her derriere. Beyond devastated, she silently walked back to the dressing room.
Over the next few episodes, mothers and sisters and aunts and fathers and brothers, not to mention fiances and best friends, of the brides-to-be continued to rail at what they considered to be flaws in their beloveds body. "Your belly is huge in that dress!" "It makes you look fat!" "It doesn't make you look thin enough!"
What on earth would possess anyone to make such judgemental, sizest comments? Why do we, the people who are closest to someone, feel the need to point out what we consider to be their worst features? Just what gives us the right to cloak our judgements in statements pretending to include the obese person? "You don't want to look like you're fat." Really? How do you know what I want to look like? "You're an obese woman. You need to figure out how to hide it." I don't think so, friend. Why would I waste my time on such a futile project.
I don't care if folks have opinions about my weight. I don't care if those opinions differ from mine. And, I certainly don't mind discussing obesity with others. What I do mind is the constant barrage of criticism and advice that comes from well-meaning friends and family members.
"Have you thought about losing weight?" What am I supposed to say to that question? "No, frankly, I didn't know I could lose weight. Thank you for suggesting it."
This sort of question does not truly include me in the topic of my weight loss. It is a presumptuous query meant to say I think you should lose weight. I think you are too obese and I don't understand why you don't do something about it. It focuses on your opinion of my weight and sends the signal that losing weight is the most important thing to do. It does not share your anxiety over my weight or your fear of what my obesity might do to me.
Now that is a conversation worth having. My weight might worry you; it might give you nightmares of disease and early death; and if that is the case, you are welcome to discuss it with me in a loving, non-judgemental manner. I will listen to your concerns and I may sympathize with you; but I will not allow you to make me feel as if my obesity is ugly, or disgusting, or something I should hide.
What on earth would possess anyone to make such judgemental, sizest comments? Why do we, the people who are closest to someone, feel the need to point out what we consider to be their worst features? Just what gives us the right to cloak our judgements in statements pretending to include the obese person? "You don't want to look like you're fat." Really? How do you know what I want to look like? "You're an obese woman. You need to figure out how to hide it." I don't think so, friend. Why would I waste my time on such a futile project.
I don't care if folks have opinions about my weight. I don't care if those opinions differ from mine. And, I certainly don't mind discussing obesity with others. What I do mind is the constant barrage of criticism and advice that comes from well-meaning friends and family members.
"Have you thought about losing weight?" What am I supposed to say to that question? "No, frankly, I didn't know I could lose weight. Thank you for suggesting it."
This sort of question does not truly include me in the topic of my weight loss. It is a presumptuous query meant to say I think you should lose weight. I think you are too obese and I don't understand why you don't do something about it. It focuses on your opinion of my weight and sends the signal that losing weight is the most important thing to do. It does not share your anxiety over my weight or your fear of what my obesity might do to me.
Now that is a conversation worth having. My weight might worry you; it might give you nightmares of disease and early death; and if that is the case, you are welcome to discuss it with me in a loving, non-judgemental manner. I will listen to your concerns and I may sympathize with you; but I will not allow you to make me feel as if my obesity is ugly, or disgusting, or something I should hide.
I think another important question to look at is, why does fat allow you to intrude on my personal life? Would you intrude on the weight of my thinner sisters? "Angie, I really think you should plump up. You have no cushion in your butt." Would you accompany your sister or best friend to a bridal gown consultation and reject dress after dress because it showed off her curves perfectly? Of course not. And, why is that? This is the question everyone should ask themselves. Why is it okay for a woman who weighs 125 lbs to look sexy and radiant, while a woman who weighs 275 lbs needs to be embarrassed and find a way to hide her curves?
If I want to walk up the aisle with the person of my dreams, I should be allowed to do so without fear of recrimination from the people I am closest to. My wedding day should not be sabotaged by my well meaning friends and family, regardless of my affection for them.
My weight is not open for discussion with saboteurs.
If I want to walk up the aisle with the person of my dreams, I should be allowed to do so without fear of recrimination from the people I am closest to. My wedding day should not be sabotaged by my well meaning friends and family, regardless of my affection for them.
My weight is not open for discussion with saboteurs.
No comments:
Post a Comment